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Friday, June 15, 2012

A Few Signs That You May Be Gaining Weight

L to R: J. Thompson, Stevie Mack, Kabin Thomas

A Few Signs That You May Be Gaining Weight

(1.)        The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

(2.)        Every bathroom scale ever made is inaccurate.

(3.)        Folks always think you’re pregnant or just had a kid.

(4.)        Your stretch marks have stretch marks.

(5.)        Your midnight snack looks like a 7 course meal.

(6.)        When you sneeze, ranch dressing comes out.

(7.)        Your underwear is ALWAYS too tight.

(8.)        The remote control gets lost…under you.

(9.)        Moderately fat people who orbit you have fat midgets orbiting them.

(10.)    Pedicure my ass; you’re getting your hooves filed!

(11.)    You haven’t seen your toes since 3rd grade

(12.)    You are barred from all you can eat joints.

(13.)    The date rapist has to slip HIMSELF a roofie!

Stevie Mack 

Contributions #09 and #13 by: George Watkins

1 comment:

Comedian Stevie Mack said...

You may have an eating disorder If you have all the food joints on speed dial and give people directions by restaurants like, “Go down by Fat Burger, turn left until you get to Pizza Hut, make a right and drive past Jamba Juice, Chuck-E-Cheese and KFC, I live in the back, not by the Burger King, but IN the Burger King!"